Monday, July 12, 2010

Talk is Cheap

I've run afoul of Aster protoflorian Linn.&dagger, so it's time to change the subject.

How 'bout that World Cup?? FIFA is bigger than the Olympics most places in the world, so what do we get on ABC for that hour before the final game? Wouldn't know, wasn't watching. Over on Univision, they had ONE SOLID HOUR of world class Closing Ceremonies. Yeah, only Univision cares about soccer, so guess what I watched?

Spain vs. Netherlands, kind of a dull game. Spain won, 1-0, in 119 minutes. It was fun to watch, once Team Orange crumbled. Everyone loves to laugh at losers.
"Linn." Heh, just fooling, Dr. Linnaeus.

How I Beat Aster Protoflorian

Aster Protoflorian wasn't easy, but there's a method. In a nutshell, in order of importance: Use your own head, then Odin, then Sleipnir, to peel off this were-onion's first Stagger. After that, you're on your own in a normal boss battle, so take 'im down again. Made in the shade!

First, buff up with Symbiosis. Don't waste time, but switch over to Slash & Burn, alternating with War & Peace as needed, but it seems that a good offense is the best defense. Keep an eye on Hope (and your own stats!), and don't allow your HP to drop too far. You can't afford to be low on HP when Aster Protoflorian goes electric on you (Thunderga?) or unleashes Efflorescence on your sorry backside. Whack at this knuckle-dragging weed until you get his orange burnout bar as high as you can by yourself (you can't do it without Hope).

THEN SUMMON ODIN! (This requires a little preparation, so be prepared, obviously.) Your goal is to weed whack and get the orange bar as high as possible in the time allotted. Be very careful. That purple bar under Odin's stats MUST NOT go to zero, but keep weedwhacking until you can't stand it, THEN PRESS SQUARE.

Odin now gets a second, even more powerful, life as SLEIPNIR, Lightning's favorite steed! Don't do this too soon, because the longer you spend with Odin, the more time you have on Sleipnir. WEED WHACK!! You should be able to max out the pest's burnout bar and knock him down with one or two extra blows before your little pony goes back to the sky.

Aster Protoflorian takes TWO iterations on the full orange bar, so now you start again. Before Odin left, the weed's orange bar dropped back to zero (bad), your HP maxed out (good) and all your debuffs (and all the were-onion's buffs?) vanished (very good), so you're in good shape.

At this point, you're fighting a normal boss battle again. Max the orange bar, toss the bouquet straight up as often as possible, and keep a wary eye on your HP. If Hope collapses, you'll need Phoenix Down. SLASH & BURN!! You'll be facing a black and white stats screen before you know what happened.

Funny thing, you've been concentrating intensely. If you've been doing it right when that flower goes down, your visceral reaction is to immediately stifle a whoop of celebration. At most, the only reaction anyone will notice out of you is a slow, evil smile. I think you could probably earn a black belt in Final Fantasy XIII.

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