Quiet! Don't scare the fish!

The biggest fish I ever caught was a largemouth bass out of my great uncle George Dana's farm pond near Olathe, Kansas, about 1960.  I used a spinning reel with the first fishing lure I ever bought.  Normally, I'd use a cork bobber and a night crawler, like the rest of the family, and we'd haul in a decent fishfry, mostly bluegills and a few small catfish.  My grandmother refused to gut and clean the catch, but she fried a great dinner.

Fishermen raised in lesser traditions have sneered at my technique.

My dad, an AIQ veterinarian and microbiologist who worked for the USDA at the NADL lab in Ames, Iowa, remained a farm boy his entire life.  I was a suburban kid in what I would now classify as the "poor intellectual" class, and that meant I didn't actually know squat about the Great Outdoors.  I never shot nuthin' with my .22 LR single shot Savage, and other than what I caught on a bamboo pole in Kansas farm ponds, I knew nothing about fishing.  Later in life, I bought a spinning reel on a good graphite rod, and caught more bluegills.  I've had more fishing licenses than fish, though.

Enter the Playstation PSP videogame, Rapala Trophies.  Rapala is a real company that sells real fishing tackle, started by an old geezer in Finland in 1936.  Therein lies a contradiction.

Most fishermen during and since the Pleistocene have caught fish to feed themselves and their families.  Rich fishermen catch fish because they're bored and seek entertainment.  Fish for their tables comes frozen, or at the supermarket on ice if it's relatively fresh and flown in from the big catfish farms of the American south.  Rich fishermen buy tilapia.  Poor fishermen catch slimeheads.  It's the same fish.

What canny old Lauri Rapala did with that first fishing lure of his was cast it into limpid pools of filthy rich ubanity and hook his first million, selling to fishermen. You've got it!  Rapala Trophies is an old joke in new clown shoes: "Fancy lures catch fancy fishermen."

The PSP game marketed by Rapala is designed to barb fishing newbies in the cheek and get their bucks. It's pure Izaak Walton that one's bait should match the time of year, the weather and the catch, and never swear at the one that got away, for never having had it to hand, it cannot be lost.   I came off relatively unscathed.  I bought the game for ten bucks used, half the normal price.

I do have a gripe or two about the bait.  First of all, the "guide" has a head-thumping nasal twang as obnoxious as a Billy Mays sales pitch.  Secondly, real nature does not come with elevator music.  Third,  the profile characters all wear jeans that display a butt like two bocci balls.  Scaled up on the women.  Bowling balls, fore and aft.  Country thugs and bullies, for the most part, who eat their fish raw, right off the hook.  The women characters look like Dukes of Hazzard jailbait, except for broad-shouldered women who crack wise in the pineywoods.  "Oh, yeah?"  The fish win these contests because they have higher I.Q.s than the fisherpersons. Or the developers. Case in point, how do you "Save your profile" with no freaking SAVE option? Dumberer than dumb.  (There is a save option in the Tournament section.  Doesn't save a Free Fishing profile, though.)

But, to wax philosophical for a moment, everything good said of fishing can be said of golf.  Which is the truer abstract of the human condition?  Fishing, which destroys the fish?  Or golf, which destroys the golfer — by inches?

I'll probably sell Rapala Trophies back to the store one of these days.^†  Or, possibly, break that UMD disk apart and rub the round silvery bit on a sidewalk.

I think I liked Ocarina of Time's version of virtual fishing better.

^†Done, for a dollar.

Frau Ada

The old lady is Frau Ada ("Gina Mingol" in some international versions). She haunts the Michinoku Pass C. C., and is an unlockable player in Hot Shots Golf Open Tee 2 for PSP^†. Fairly hard to beat, my suggestion is to play within yourself and don't try anything fancy. With a little luck, you'll collect her for your stable of golfers and unlock TWO new golf courses — Michinoku Pass and the Olive Coast course somewhere near the gentle Mediterranean surf. In the next match, you can also unlock Mia Cara, a new caddy, and that marks the halfway point through the game.

Frau Ada is part of a viral trope in Japanese games, mangas and videos; a kind of nostalgia or sympathetic feeling for old Axis allies, German or Italian.  Compatriot conquered countries would be my guess (Studio Ghibli even waxes romantic about the antebellum South, e.g.), but the sentiment is alien in the good old xenophobic U.S. of A. and needs to be hosed down with  a bit of humor, something them Japs are getting good at just in time for 21st Century Chinese economic hegemony.

^†The Playstation Portable (PSP), soon to be superceded by the underwhelming PSP2, is a money trap worthy of the La Brea Tarpits. It has WiFi. It has a Playstation® Store, where you can buy all 26 season 1 episodes of Ghost in the Shell: Standalone Complex at $1.99 a pop ($51.74 total), plus download time for about 10 GB (about 2 solid months worth of Verizon Wireless connectivity). Even worse, you can download 1.8 GB of movie in a bit more than 4 hours — just in time for a fully-charged battery to expire with four minutes of download left. In Sony's Big Book of Fun, that means your ability to download it all again without paying for it twice is a "feature." Ugh.

Final Fantasy XIII Agito

これは、一片の物語ではない。 自ら綴る歴史であり、運命である。
“Agito is a complete, standalone story in the Final Fantasy XIII universe. These heroes have their own history, their own destiny.”

From the description, sounds kind of like a Japanese Hogwarts to me. (Apologies for the free translation. The meaning is more or less intact, though.)

Not Yet Released.

By the way, check out Handwritten Kanji Search, an online kanji lookup utility which is the best thing I've seen since Sergey Kurkin's JEDict (for Macintosh). You draw your mysterious character on screen, using your mouse (!), and within one or two strokes you have 20 candidates. If the one you're looking for isn't there, just keep drawing and it shows up. This utility is very lenient about bad mouse-drawing skills, and a fit companion to Jim Breen's epochal WWWJdic Japanese-English dictionary.

Rats, i got Bowman!

I was hoping for somebody else... Now I have to start over! (This wasn't a problem^† on the PS1.)

Other than that, kind of a fun day. Routine CT scan this a.m., visit to the doctor's office for a Z-pack to kick this impending bronchitis before it kills me (for about month anyway), a serendipitous H1N1 shot, another doctor's visit to schedule my daughter's wisdom teeth extraction (all 4, ouch), followed by a skiff of snow on the roads this evening. Sagittarius = Medicine. The CT tech had a faded henna tatoo on her right arm, another synchronicity. Witch hazel and Christmas.

^†Bowman? And Ashton? How's come I got Ashton?! Do over!!