Golf? Demonic? Well, yes. Obviously. All golf courses, from the great links courses of Scotland to the dinkiest putt-putt course in Bypass, Mississippi, belong among the outlying precincts of Hell, because only in Hell is golf possible. If St. Peter wants to play a quiet round of 81 Sundays worth of golf, he has to spend a few unusual hours in rustic Dys to do it.
There's rigorous logical proof! I've known Methodist ministers to give up the game in favor of fishing, after hearing this. If golf were played in Heaven, which admits no imperfection, every hole would be a par one, and every stroke is a hole-in-one. Since putative Heavenly Golf admits no Boredom within the pearly gates, and since Perfect Golf is utterly boring, not to mention violence to the spirit of the game, there can be no Golf in Heaven. By corollary, you can only play golf in Hell. Which is self-evident if you think about it.‡ Q.E.D.
†Ash Wednesday. I traded all my GTA games in on store credit, so I could buy something a little easier on the nerves than co-dependent commitment. Little golf games, e.g. Real golf is another sort of demonic aggravation.
‡C. S. Lewis argued in his book The Great Divorce that earthly existence overlaps both Heaven and Hell as a kind of outlying common precinct of both respective domains. The final status of the Earth could be resolved after the Last Judgment. Lewis always was a stickler for the preposterous denoument, since there is no time after the End of Days, just as there was no time before Creation. He ended more than one of his books by waking up.
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