Cold Lard

Yep. I finally realized what is like Retirement. Lard is like Retirement. Cold lard. Strap it to your feet and skate around the house. The dogs may howl, the cats may sample delicately before looking at you in betrayed disgust, but it gets the crumbs off the floor.

Merry Christmas. Don't leave crumbs.

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In a more Sirius vein, I never carry a watch to church. Why is that, you ask? Well, think about it.

Religion for most people is about The Afterlife, which is personal being, living, existence, extended on a cosmic scale through the next billion billion billion billion billion billion billion years. Aside from the obvious inconvenience of Time measured from the point of view of a cold, lifeless cinder that does not revolve around its absent star, most people can't sit still for five minutes without dying of boredom.

You want your personal lease extended through the heat death of the Universe, that's your problem. Christmas morning, though, that's Timeless.