Croque Monsieur

It's just a crunchy, broiled, hot ham and cheese sandwich on peasant bread, but... how do you make it, really? There are recipes all over le web, no two alike. E.g., some people do open face, others put the ham & cheese between the sheets.

Ladycat

What? Castlevania has pathos? Kill a Ladycat and get a Heart Repair (or possibly a Croque Monsieur, which is a nice crunchy hot ham and cheese sandwich). Lord, there's an untold story.

In fact, I'm having Qualms about this. Can I play Castlevania if I have to kill the Ladycats? What is a Ladycat, anyway?

Well, when the horrible quasifeline murder is over and you've successfully dispatched your spitting, slashing, rampaging Ladycat, what remains is not the mortal dregs of a cat at all, but a pathetic naked girl collapsed into a little ball like a whipped child (these are a few pixels on a tiny screen, you understand, not a pre-Raphaelite romp in a lilypond).

Moreover, the Ladycat in all her feral glory is a lithe woman with yellow fur and a green bikini, a cat's small head and a long writhing tail. She stalks on palms and heels like a human child, she attacks, slashes, pounces and yowls — and dies far too easily. And she may drop, now and again, on expiring, two of the best possible gifts you can receive in this game, namely, a massive infusion of HP courtesy of the ham sandwich or a generous and unexpected burst of a dozen or so Hearts, which is real power in the heat of battle with your direst foes.

So, a maddening confluence of four of my favorite things — hot ham and cheese sandwiches, hearts, girls and cats — in a little package of tiny murders wrapped up in a bow. Can I do that? Can I kill the Ladycats? I dread the karmic consequences.

Werebats, I understand. No problem there. But Ladycats? No. This time, I take a stand. Dracula may win, but I can't defeat him by killing Ladycats. That would not be Right. Maybe I've been hoodwinked by evil in a beguiling form, but really it feels like the only evil here is mine, marauding through the Ladycats.

Unless they're just pretending...