STOP THE BLOODY WAR IN IRAQ NOW, STUPID!

Ironies. Or idiocies:

1. Hillary can't win.
   
2. Obama can't win.
   
3. Dodd can't win.
   
4. Biden mustn't win; his phenomenal foreign policy expertise is far, far too valuable in the U.S. Senate — or in the State Department in 2009!
   
5. It's unconstitutional for Al Gore to seek a third term.
   
6. Bloomberg can't win.
   
7. Thompson can't win.
   
8. Edwards shouldn't win.
   
9. Romney can't even express himself in coherent, connected sentences, let alone win.
   
10. Giuliani can't win.
    
11. Kerry can't win unless he learns to stop licking his lips.
    
12. Perot won't run.
    
13. Either Republican hit squads or JibJab are going to make mincement of whatever candidate Democrats throw up (and throw up they will, trust me...)
    
14. Democrats have attention deficit disorder, and can't win on the one great issue a bloody blue kangaroo could win on: Bring the troops home NOW!
    

There's no hope. We're going to have to draft Maria Shriver.

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Calm down, Dave. The Howard University debat sound bites are over... >shudder<