The Second Civil War

Always remember the relative scales of things: If everyone in China shouted "hup!" and simultaneously jumped off a chair onto the ground, the resulting shock wave would propagate through the Earth's core, finally converging on Branson, Missouri, where a neat disc 50 miles in radius would pop 300 miles straight up, flip over like a flapjack and land back in its own oozing magma.

With practice, the whole South could rise again, but Obama can bring the entire Kornflake Kracklin' Kornfedrit States of America to its knees a lot quicker just by demanding union contacts in foreign-owned factories, such as Toyota. Even weirder: Fox squirrels in D.C. will eat KFC™ chicken bones out of the trash bins on the Mall, and stare appraisingly at the tourists. I think they remember the Civil War.

"No doctors!" — Baron von Munchausen