October: National Politician Insanity Month

Be kind to your candidate this month. These are the days that drive sane men and women mad — or, as a Jimmy Carter-era bigwig once said in my earshot, the time that a candidate's body chemistry goes out of whack and makes them stink. (No joke, I've noticed.)

Frankly, by now, if you're not already in place to win on Election Day, you're going to lose. The con artists have shot their wads. The dead have duly risen from the grave and found their angelic places among the precinct choirs, the winners are chewing up the scenery and the losers are eating their young alive.

The losers are, in fact, counting the hours till their tenures expire and their jail terms begin. The bloodied veterans of backroom administration brawls are applying merthiolate to their scars and tightening up their stitches — any bets Colin Powell won't get Secretary of Defense?